I adore Fall; in its early stages: the melancholy of a renegade beach day; the first day one wears wool or tall boots; the crisp and clean scent of a cool evening after 8 p.m.... I love everything that Fall has ever given me: my first marathon, my first love, my first foray into adulthood, my first fancy party, my first job in NYC, my first of many heartbreaks and discoveries: slips/trips/falls...
And speaking of Fall's merits, Fall 2013 has reminded me that it's been awhile since I have written for this blog: over a year, in fact. The truth is that I had given up on The Blog...
The past two years have had a full-on gamut of challenges: and instead of dealing with all of my forks in the road, I was running on empty and in denial; as a result, it felt as if every glass ceiling splintered the top of my head, and every crack in the ground swallowed me up whole. Yeah, that made me pretty grumpy, and I got into a wallowing, Eeyore zone of sorts -- a perpetual bad mood for two years is not fun or pretty to witness or experience. I decided to cheer up/chin-up simply because unrest and unhappiness doesn't meant a thing in any grand scheme: life moves on, with or without us...it simply moves forward....for better or worse, I could stay married/get divorced, be a good/drift-away parent, be financially reckless/responsible, be creatively driven/stagnant, or be caught up in any general nonsense, but either way, The Universe could care less if I dig my heels into the ground while doing any of it. It's gonna keep-a-moving. With or without me. Or, I could get pancreatic cancer like my mother-in-law and fight to be alive; or to have hairs on my head, taste buds, and a working brain..which I haven't and am grateful I haven't.
So that all said, I chose to deal with the present: shitty or fabulous. I decided to unofficially stay focused and positive because it is far less banal than being a boring and ungrateful ogre, or worse or dead...
Like many, for ten years, I have either been a mother of two, a wife of one, a juggler of many, and a perpetually undecided perfectionist/scatterbrain. The experiences of such things have been invaluable, but the reality is that I tend to tread water in the same bay of thoughts while going nowhere but to the peripheral edges of my brain when I am stuck in a rut. Challenge doesn't have to freeze-dry. But it somehow, someway, has to change you, me, all of us...
My message: Think, but don't get too lost in thought...there aren't as many free passes and moments as they say there are. Thank you, Mary Jo, my mother-in-law, for that dear and clear reminder.
Without further adieu,
I AM BACK.:)
